im so overwhelmed. and i know you are too.
Everyone knows the feeling. Projects begin to build, shit needs to get done, children need rearing, and the world is just asking WAY too much of you. Then the wave hits. “How in the world am I going to get through this?”
Anxiety is tremendously talented at sneaking up on us, and getting to the core of our fears. It keeps us up at night thinking about how we farted that one time in third grade and our crush Billy Jenson did not want to sit next to us anymore. Ow. It traps us under the infinitely heavy to-do list of the future, and if we are being honest, it is fucking annoying. We are bad bitches with important shit to do.
But in order to get out from under anxiety we need to understand where it comes from, and why it's making it impossible for us to ask the server for another straw…because ours fell on the ground and our French bulldog, Franky, licked all up on that bad boy. Gross.
To break this down, it's easiest to think of the mind in terms of three parts; ego, subconscious, and consciousness. The Ego, is your connection between the external world, and your internal world. The subconscious is your inner child. This is the place concerned with safety, and when you get triggered, this is usually where it comes from. This is also the mind that was forming in utero to about thirteen years of age. It coincides with a brainwave frequency theta which is 3.5-7.5hz. A state of heightened suggestibility. It is also a state of presence. Finally, you have your consciousness. The observer. The one that listens to the internal monologue, and that which is actually you.
So what does this have to do with anxiety again? I'll tell ya. We need to understand that anxiety is really an affliction of time. When we battle with depression, it is usually in relation to past events. And when one struggles with anxiety, it is because we are entrenched in the impending. All of this coming from the Ego based narrative. Anxiety is always in relation to the Ego. And so when we understand how to observe that constant chatter of the Ego, we get the opportunity to decide whether or not we agree or disagree with what it is saying.
Now there is a second part of this equation, because obviously we are not just prisoners of our Egos, milling about like MegaMind. Haha. And because, we also FEEL anxiety and oftentimes it’s this affects our hearts and bodies that is more distracting than the thoughts themselves, we get completely consumed.
The Enneagram Institute splits personality into three types of experiencers. Head types (most prone to anxiety), Heart types, and Body types. So, the issue arises when we get caught up in the vicious cycle of thinking too much, and then feeling too much, disconnecting us from the body and from consciousness. Round and round we go until we’ve become completely unearthed. Thinking what if, what if, what if. Feeling oh no, oh no, oh no. The present moment slips out of sight.
Our task then, is to come back down into the body. Or if the body is facing the brunt of the onslaught we focus on the heart. And if you are feeeeeelingggg it too much, focus on what it is the narrative is saying. Easier said than done. If everyone could just detach from their Egos, balance out their emotions, and live vicariously in their bodes… shit… so much more would get done. But! That's what produces anxiety, identifying with the ego, identifying with feeling, and identifying with the body. So how do we get present, and live in the now? The key being balance and presence.
How-to:
To balance out the head, heart and body, start by breathing in on a four count, one.. two.. three.. four… Exhale on the same four count. Counting in your head, or out loud. Place a hand on the heart and tap lightly. Syncing your counting and tapping. Count and tap. Inhale; one, two, three, four, exhale; one, two, three four. Focusing on the slow and steady breath. See if you can smooth out the transition from inhale to exhale, two, three, four. Then see if you can do a five count, and then a six, and so on.
This exercise splits your focus between the head (counting), the heart (breathing) and the body (tapping), so that you can get all nice and synced up, helping you slowly back out of the future and grounding you down into the present.
I know how hard things can get when you don’t know how to get home. I hope this helps.